Holiday Guilt

It's that time of the year. Knee jerk reaction to the holiday season. And am I ever into it! I have collected the last batteries for that toy that doesn't have batteries included. I have wrapped almost everything. My local family will have many stocking gifts, and a few interesting books and things. For those few family members who are opaque to me and far away giftwise, I am giving Heifer swarms of bees. I have sent off citrus gifts to people in cold climates, and I have sent off bales of stuff from llbean- the ubiquitous shirts and robes.

Today I went to Walmart to buy small things. Suddenly, I found myself stunned to immobility in the middle of an aisle of queen sized underpants. Have I arrived somehow on an alien planet? How can this be happening? I am looking for gift cards for Starbucks! Extremely large people in scooters are nipping at my ankles so I quickly dodge left and right and move on to the gift wrap department that is featuring Xtreme heroes on gift boxes. I think about those tatoos, also featured, and decide against it.

I have done The Holidays for so many eons, and now it's uphill work all the way. We do not have a Christmas tree this year, just a wreath. But I always have that mental list of what is expected!

We give holiday bonuses to the pool guy, the house cleaner, the newspaper deliverer - and then, who else?? Are we missing anyone?? What about the person who cuts our hair? The dog's toenails? The mailperson?

We have spent one wonderful and arduous day making several kinds of rich cookies and jams to give away. And, guilt, we didn't make enough! Not enough cookies and jam for every neighbor and everyone where we volunteer!

And, also, I must confess I never send out Christmas cards!
But! I have lists! Christmas is still a few days away and I will call or email those folks who are on my mind and tell them that I am thinking of them, happy holidays, and yes, the coyotes are howling out there every night.

I love the holidays, make no mistake. I am so looking forward to seeing my three grandsons from up north. And I am so looking forward to seeing my middle son and his wife that I love who is pregnant with twins. I am excited to be in the midst of a family holiday with two of my children and their kids.

The expectations are not high in the way of material things. We'll rejoice in the coming together of our family.