Too old to be a Mudder!

Here is my daughter in the middle of a 'mud' run. She has just slid down a huge slide into a large puddle of mud. Her team of six ran and slithered and jumped and scrambled the hurdles for more than three miles. They all helped each other, as did all the other teams out there in the hot sunshine of a Florida spring. Many of them were in 'costume' with tutus or colorful headgear.

I love this sport where everyone helps each other out, everyone is laughing and having fun playing. We all need to do this! As I watched this happen, something new for me, I thought "I could do this!". And I thought that it would be so much fun to have an abbreviated course for kids.

We had the team and their clack over for showers and lunch after the race. Twenty minutes after they got home there were YouTube videos complete with captions and music sent out to everyone.

And I had taken some photos of the event and wanted to share these and some other photos with family and friends. The photo sharing site had completely changed since the last time I used it a few days ago. Like detergent, this is a new and better! Hard to navigate for a person of my generation! Who knows where those photos are going?? Into the ether? To Mars? And how would I apply a musical score to them (as if I knew anything but Mozart and Bach?) And are they important in any way, does anyone care beyond the moment?  But we all want to do it.

I read an article by Anna Quindlen in the paper today (Yes, I still read stuff on actual paper!). It was about getting rid of stuff in your life, but hanging on to memories. So, why do I think that my wonderful happiness in seeing those young people having so much fun is only true if it can be photographed and digitized, captioned and set to music? During the week I know that all of them work hard in great jobs.

 My husband is happy to go and observe and remember. He does not own a camera now, though he once was an excellent photographer of people and events. He has traveled the world, reads widely. We talk all the time, face to face, trying to make some sense of this interesting world we find ourselves in. We have interesting conversational evenings with friends speaking of issues and ideas, books we've read and places we've been. We rarely discuss our smart phones and other new technology.

So, just another blog from this old curmudgeon. I could do a (short) mud run!

Where is this all going?

What If?

What if we hadn't had any grandchildren? We were not the sort who ever counted grandkids or even thought about it especially. But, then, our children began having their own families and we were really delighted. Of course, there is something pretty affirmative about having one fourth of your DNA passing on to the next generation, but that's not really it. Our kids could have adopted several Haitian children apiece, and they would still be ours and part of our tribe.

With the birth of our latest grand children, twins, we now have eight! Who could have thunk?

What really matters in the relationship of grandparents and grandchildren is the connection. It boils down to quantity time. Most of our grandchildren live far away but we pay serious attention to our visits with each other. Summers we have grandkids visit, they come for vacations and hang out in my studio. The little ones come with their parents. And, also, we go to visit them where they live. The older ones come and hang out during vacations and our whole fun place is completely given over to them.

Now, on day eleven of his visit, our Florida grandson, Quincy, is still a peach! He's seven now. We have had his visits since he was weaned. We survived toddlerhood, toilet training, bad backs (ours!), teaching him to ride a bike, swim, drive the golf cart, and all the rest.

And now, here we have a long term small visitor who comes here so often he has his own room and a playroom with an incredible amount of stuff (Legos, trains, cars and any art material he can think of). This little guy knows our property better than his mom ever did and now that his tether is long, he can go anywhere he wants. He has his chores (emptying the compost, clearing the table) and he is part of the family. We have lovely long dinners, often with friends, and Quincy fits in, eats everything available and compliments the chef every time. We talk about everything!

When this child first began to visit it was hard for us because we had to be on duty every single second. Even at night we were tethered to the intercom. But now, here is this easy focused kid who has an incredible agenda.

And on this visit to us he was here when his two west coast cousins came for part of the time. He was the spark of activities and the three kids had a lot of fun together outdoors. An only child, he was sometimes worried by the sibling rivalry of his cousins he loves.

After the cousins left he has made a forest of paper constructions and origami, written a journal about pets, read innumerable books, constructed an amazing train set-up, practiced long addition and subtraction.. I am so amazed! He's been fascinated with the long chapter book we have read for the entire time he's been here. We finished it today.

Quincy knows that his grandparents really have his back. It helps that he has charm and already the best rudiments of manners. Goes a long way for a seven year old to always say please and thank you - and be presentable enough to take absolutely anywhere.

Tomorrow, his mom will come and take him home. It will feel empty here.

Never worked a day in her life

Sisters, let's not get our panties in a bunch about this latest campaign ridiculousness. As all of us who are moms know that staying at home with those kids is no easy deal. No question it's work. And, yeah, most of us have to work outside the home too.

I am seventy-one, a member of the "sandwich" generation. We were among the first women who were educated the same as our brothers. If we chose, we could compete on the same level (but not quite!).

Since I was fourteen years old, working summers picking cherries, being a camp counselor or a nanny, working in libraries, running a language lab, sexing mice and so many other things, there has never been a year when my paltry earnings were not recorded by Social Security.

We married young, had two children by the time we were twenty-seven. We were scrambling and frugal. My young husband, in the social milieu of the sixties, set out to be the principal breadwinner for the family. It wasn't that he allowed me to work outside the home. It just was the way our family worked.

And yet, looking back, I realize that we were creatures of our culture that was America. I had the kids, breastfed them, tended to their every need, kept the house together, cooked, paid the bills, attended sports events, drove everyone to swim meets etc. and went to work everyday. I remember going to the supermarket around midnight after my husband came home from work. I loved this time without toddlers!

The weird thing is, neither of us thought that there was anything peculiar about this arrangement! He came home from work after eleven p.m. and we had a lovely dinner I cooked together, the kids were long ago in bed, smelling sweet after their bath.

I never felt like a martyr. As time went on he made enormously more money than I did. Of course I had the kids (balls and chains to my ankles) But I always had the bottom line that if he fell off a cliff I would be able to financially manage keeping life going for the kids.

Also, I truly loved my work of teaching and being a school director. It was so involving of the whole family.

My husband and I, probably not at all typical for the time, really appreciated each other's work. When I quit cooking ("O.K., everyone. Today I quit cooking!") my husband took up the slack and now is a stellar chef and does all the cooking and shopping.

The most wonderful affirmation I have ever had is my husband telling me that he didn't really have a clue about all the stuff I was doing. And neither did I. Back then this was just the way things were.

Our sons are truly invested in what their kids need. Their wives work, and to make the families flourish, they pitch in equally. Biology is still a gate-keeper and always will be. My daughter-in-law, now breastfeeding twins, will return to a high-powered job. They will have to decide among what care-giving options are available. And, now in this time, they will make these decisions together.

Women have made steady gains to claim their rights. It is ridiculous to go backwards and erase contraceptive and abortion options. Sisters, we need to think about the global issues of work and fertility, and how we stand.

Kids everywhere!

At eight o'clock I am going up to the main house to get Quincy on his way to bed. This includes having a bowl of homemade ice cream, left over from last night, a long discussion of his latest origami invention, a lengthy bath (with the water covered in toys), reading out loud from our favorite chapter book, Mr Twiggs's Mistake (about a mole that grows to the size of a rhino.) Then, close the shades, tuck him in, kisses..

So, all that is done now. We are all tired after a week of my son and the two cousins from Vashon, an island off Seattle.

The three cousins, close in age, played and played, mostly outside doing imagination play with hamster voices and lots of running and jumping. Sometimes they played inside with board games and origami constructions.

For one of the days I was alone with the three kids and I was aware of the social issues kids this age have, jockeying for power and figuring out fairness. Exhausting for an adult, but necessary to address their concerns.

My son was pretty much on full time and did the dad stuff of taking all the kids on outings and cooked fabulous bacon for breakfast. He does not do hair or think about clean laundry! But I am delighted to wash my grandaughter's long hair and then fix it with the scrunchies we bought. The last evening I found sparklers for all the kids and they ran around the yard windmilling those lights and we adults loved it.

Being grandma means that I must be the one who thinks up good stuff to do, has a fun agenda, lots of supplies, and keeps the troops rolling. Grandpa feeds us all.

Other kids are so important to me as well. Here is a photo of Natalie working on her Pi tee shirt. She's in my special math class I have each week. These eight kids in our local public school were issued to me as very bright and needing more. How I love them! We are about halfway through a hands-on algebra program. Sometimes, we do other math things than this algebra program, such as making math tee shirts celebrating Pi and our new knowledge of how to calculate the circumference and area of circles. These kids are nine and ten years old.

Retirees who have no grandchildren at hand and do not volunteer for kids miss a lot, I think. It is said that kids keep you young- true enough. Kids keep you breathing sharply, bending deeply, thinking outside your box, and giving and receiving hugs and kisses and serious conversation.

I always want to have kids everywhere I am.

Waiting for progeny

In a couple of hours our oldest son and his two kids will arrive for a visit. They are coming from an island off Seattle, the farthest place from us on the mainland USA. I have not seen this particular family branch since last July. I am excited to see my son, of course, and I am filled with expectations about spending a week with these grandchildren I hardly ever see. Caroline, just six, is such a vivid and beautiful little girl. We'll have lots to do with each other. Her older brother Joe, eight, still kind of an enigma to me, may tell me what his interests are and we'll have fun.

We grandparents have been thinking about what will suit these kids we barely know. What do they eat? What will please them? We know already that we will not devote our precious days to standing in line in expensive theme parks, and we will continue to eat out of the garden. Quincy, our daughter's son will be here, and he is an old hand (My second house, he describes it), and he will show his cousins around. We will go and visit our neighbor's chickens, one of which Quincy has claimed and named Yoda. We will go out and look at Quincy's museum of bones and fossils. We'll swim in the pool, ride bikes down the road, fly kites, fish in the pond, make art in my studio, build Legos in the playroom.

I am so blessed to have all these grandchildren who swoop in and out of my life. I had no idea this would happen!

We have groomed the place, mostly for our benefit, and it looks lovely. If only it would rain everything would be perfect. It will be perfect when they arrive. Happy Easter or Spring to all of you!

Life in Paradise

We are in full production from the vegetable garden. Each night for dinner we have all kinds of salad. Now the tiny French beans are delighting us. We still have broccoli and lots of lettuce, but it has been so hot this spring, those will vanish soon. Who would think that the tomatoes are happening? In early April? The seed company was sure I would not need the many heirloom peppers and tomatoes until tomorrow. Maybe they do not believe in global warming. Good thing I bought seedlings locally.

Here is Peter, perfectly delighted at finding a Florida King Snake on the trail we were walking

at Cedar Key

last week. Quincy is keeping his distance!
And here are the twins, both home from the neonatal unit at the hospital. I can only imagine what chaos it is there at their house. Sleepless in Connecticut. Their dad sent me this photo of them under the blankets that were knitted by many hands, including mine.

Soon, we'll go up to pitch in.

I love this life composed of so many diverse adventures. I love all my grandchildren and look forward to a visit from the west coast ones this weekend. I love working outdoors much of the day and paying attention to the rhythm of the natural world. As I weed, more often than not, I am joined by the cows on one side of the fence who are looking for any leftovers I throw at them, and the sand hill crane pair who are hoping I'll leave the garden gate open so they can sample the lettuce. I enjoy hearing their companionable gentle purr as they forage.

Glass Half full

This is so far my favorite photo of the whole event. Silvio's face says it all for me. Here he is with his little sister, Valentina, still under six pounds, not quite a week old. Valentina's twin brother, Emilio, is still in the hospital neonatal care department trying to gain enough weight to join his sister at home. It will happen shortly.

I have not yet been able to go up and be the doting granny I'd love to be, but I dote from a thousand miles south. I crave all the photos my son and the twins' eldest brother send. Now the twins are almost nine days old! What a trip! Even from a distance. What I worried about most was my daughter-in-law who had such a tough time with the early birth, emergency surgery, etc. A million different scenarios crossed my mind.

But all is well, mom is producing enough milk for two! Dad is shuttling to the hospital on the twice daily milk run, wonderful maternal relatives are on board.

I am an activist and since I cannot be there I continually send things ( a huge ham, bathmats, orchid for the other grandma, a handmade easter dress (probably way too big) for Valentina, a top for the nursing mom, and a variety of framed photos. Tomorrow I will think of something else!

So the glass is very much half full.

The glass is half empty about where we are now in this country. Tonight, watching 60 Minutes, I was turned off by the pharmaceutical ads and the obvious political tilt. Hard to trust the media, let alone the commercial pounding we all get on T.V.

It pains me to say how much I distrust what is out there for such likes as me. I know there is another side to just about anything. I know that just about anything in the ads about drugs must probably be wrong and is only out there to make money for big pharma. I know that most Americans like me have only a slightly hazy idea about Affordable Health Care. What we do know is how such things affect us personally. (Yes, if Obamacare is overturned right now, you may be screwed if you have a serious disease or condition or require expensive drugs.) And none of us in either party can stand those relentless negative ads!

I do think about the basic philosophic differences between liberals and conservatives. We need to talk with each other. Do conservatives run scared and so have trouble being open to being supportive to an expanded safety net for the less fortunate? And do the liberals just not understand?

Silvio and Valentina and Emilio are going to have to figure this out.

And for now in this evening of soft breezes and bats and fireflies lighting up the night and my newest of eight grandchildren, my glass runneth over.