Never worked a day in her life

Sisters, let's not get our panties in a bunch about this latest campaign ridiculousness. As all of us who are moms know that staying at home with those kids is no easy deal. No question it's work. And, yeah, most of us have to work outside the home too.

I am seventy-one, a member of the "sandwich" generation. We were among the first women who were educated the same as our brothers. If we chose, we could compete on the same level (but not quite!).

Since I was fourteen years old, working summers picking cherries, being a camp counselor or a nanny, working in libraries, running a language lab, sexing mice and so many other things, there has never been a year when my paltry earnings were not recorded by Social Security.

We married young, had two children by the time we were twenty-seven. We were scrambling and frugal. My young husband, in the social milieu of the sixties, set out to be the principal breadwinner for the family. It wasn't that he allowed me to work outside the home. It just was the way our family worked.

And yet, looking back, I realize that we were creatures of our culture that was America. I had the kids, breastfed them, tended to their every need, kept the house together, cooked, paid the bills, attended sports events, drove everyone to swim meets etc. and went to work everyday. I remember going to the supermarket around midnight after my husband came home from work. I loved this time without toddlers!

The weird thing is, neither of us thought that there was anything peculiar about this arrangement! He came home from work after eleven p.m. and we had a lovely dinner I cooked together, the kids were long ago in bed, smelling sweet after their bath.

I never felt like a martyr. As time went on he made enormously more money than I did. Of course I had the kids (balls and chains to my ankles) But I always had the bottom line that if he fell off a cliff I would be able to financially manage keeping life going for the kids.

Also, I truly loved my work of teaching and being a school director. It was so involving of the whole family.

My husband and I, probably not at all typical for the time, really appreciated each other's work. When I quit cooking ("O.K., everyone. Today I quit cooking!") my husband took up the slack and now is a stellar chef and does all the cooking and shopping.

The most wonderful affirmation I have ever had is my husband telling me that he didn't really have a clue about all the stuff I was doing. And neither did I. Back then this was just the way things were.

Our sons are truly invested in what their kids need. Their wives work, and to make the families flourish, they pitch in equally. Biology is still a gate-keeper and always will be. My daughter-in-law, now breastfeeding twins, will return to a high-powered job. They will have to decide among what care-giving options are available. And, now in this time, they will make these decisions together.

Women have made steady gains to claim their rights. It is ridiculous to go backwards and erase contraceptive and abortion options. Sisters, we need to think about the global issues of work and fertility, and how we stand.