Growing Old with Siblings

My friend Suzanne is about to retire next week. She has six or seven sisters and one of them has taken the vow of silence and retreated to a nunnery. Suzanne is excited to think about going to live with her favorite sister in a lovely place north of us where she'll have her own space, the garden, and the company of her sister and her husband she likes. Snip snap and she's got it all together. Not so easy for everyone.

I am one of five children. One brother died young, another brother leads a life circumscribed by his disabilities from cerebral palsy. So that leaves me, my big brother two years older, and our little sister and we are all getting older.

Big brother Brooks lives as far from me as anyone could be. None the less we manage to see each other at least once a year and for years we have taken trips together with our spouses to wonderful places around the globe. And those have been some of the best trips of my life. For the shank of my working life, big brother and I were cordial but attenuated by circumstance and distance.

And now, I cannot imagine not having the clot of memories we have together and the times we help each other, all the conversations on the fly, the books we send each other, the long phone calls, and the sense of connection we have to the important things in our lives. We have the same drive to give back to our communities. He plays music in old folks homes, has an NPR music show, connects with his neighbors, and is into local politics. And I do the school garden, community organizing, and am a volunteer teacher in our local school. In retirement we both have the same vision.

Our talented little sister is more enigmatic. Right now she is midway through a two month stay at an ashram where she does not speak, only meditates. This is the sister who went on a pilgrimage a couple of years ago through northern Spain to Santiago. This is the sister who makes incredible tile installations all over the world. This is the much married sister who is deep into sobriety issues. Seems that she is about herself.

I hope to begin understanding her, but it is hard. I have missed connecting with her and so treasured a postcard she sent me yesterday about her ascetic life.

My other sibling is Maria, adopted by each other many years ago. I needed another sister and she had no siblings. This wonderful brilliant Maria is my sister in every way. I can ask her and tell her anything, she's a part of the family, we can not talk for days, and then talk all the time. She gives me advice, listens, and I listen. She will pick me up at the airport in the middle of the night. She loves my grandson like I do and we love to hang out. I think about her all the time.

So, we are all growing old together and we have this thick bond that will help us through the tough times ahead.

What if it were just you, the one and only, growing old alone? I can't imagine it. I have this wonderful and robust family network, and we'll see each other through.