Thinking Family Reunions

For my sixtieth birthday, more than a decade ago, I decided to have a blow out birthday and invite the whole family to join me at a manor house in the English countryside south of London. I planned it, we paid for all the airfares and all the food. I arranged all of it on line. I found a lovely place - one of those immense semi palaces that had fallen into desperate financial straits so their owners had to rent out to tourists.

I made charts and lists of who would be arriving when and where they would stay and where they would get their rental cars. There were over twenty people.  And I was flying blind. At the time my spouse was at the peak of prosperity, we were both still working, and I thought "If not now, when??" So we did it, and I will never regret it.

M y husband and I and a nephew were the first to get there, needing a couple of days to get the lay of the land. From the first moment we saw this immense stone mansion we knew that even with some glitches, this would be one of the most memorable and fun events of our lives, definitely furniture for the mind.

There were a dozen huge bedrooms for us, each with involved (dusty and lumpy) canopy beds and ensuite bathrooms with ancient plumbing. There were HUGE portraits of the royal family on the walls, tapestries, rose garden, tennis court, swimming pool and croquet court. There were so many cupboards and closets full of linens and dishes. The huge public rooms were covered with antique oriental carpets and the lamps had amazing fringe. Such a fantasy!

All this was set in the countryside not far from a perfect English village. To walk to the train station to go to London we had to dodge many sheep and their pies. But this place was kind of funky in a way. And it pleased us immensely.

We loved exploring the manor. We loved a secret sliding panel in one of the sitting rooms from which a 'servant' sometimes appeared to tell us not to do something we were doing. We loved it one night when one of the immense grandfather clocks kept on chiming and chiming and eventually all twenty-five of us gathered in the great hall to investigate and finally figure out how to silence it.

The kitchen was pretty minimal for such a large and grand place. I was expecting something from the likes of "Upstairs, Downstairs'. There were so many sets of china and glassware it made our heads spin. Each evening, when we sat down with twenty plus of us, in the formal dining room, we had a different set of dishes! It was actually fun setting the table.

Everyone helped, everyone shopped and cooked under the direction of my spouse. In the evenings, after our daily croquet match, and then dinner, we gathered in the most comfortable sitting room and read Harry Potter out loud to the kids (and the adults, too).

During the days of our two weeks together there, different configurations of family went on the train to explore London, or the Downs, or Bath, or other destinations. I remember taking young grandsons to the Battle of Hastings site.

It was interesting to get all these relatives together. Of course I remember the rough spots and the insights I had about my children and grandchildren and other relatives.

Since that trip the configurations of our family have changed. New members have been born, new spouses have been enfolded. parents have split up. But for that amazing couple of weeks, for whoever was there, it was a memorable time.

Would I do this again? Definitely not. It was a once in a lifetime thing and I loved it!

NYT today reports that a major proportion of folks are negative about family reunions. Hey, just do ONE and make it the best!