Catching up

It seems we have so few of the glorious days of Florida winter we used to have. Too many freezes and rainy overcast days. My three sweaters are all needing a wash and the drying in the sun out on the picnic table. I am proud of being able to bring fresh vegetables to the cook without fail every evening, though we are down to rutabagas and brassicas and just enough salad greens for a salad. I have my spring garden in seed sprouting flats in the house where I can find some sunny spots. The entire orchid collection is still inhabiting the kitchen, lots of blooms, but I really want it all to go back outdoors to the orchid "tree" next to the pool. Maybe in a month we'll be frost free.
Thanks to all of you who send me your comments. I am glad that I can connect. I am searching my brain to come up with a more disciplined approach, but it seems I fly off in many directions- political, environmental, grandchildren, education. This is the joy of blogging.
I am thinking sometimes that I would like to address more of the issues of being retired (and getting old!) But then I seem to become immersed in my active life here locally.
So, here is a stab at it. I like being retired in some ways. I feel it is important to have a chance to do "another thing" and let go of the years and years of a compelling work life, leave that to the younger generation. I love having a freer schedule, though this is tricky sometimes when you have to decide every day over and over what you'll do, what you have promised to do. I love some of the routines we have at our house: reading the papers on the sunny porch in the morning, taking long walks, knowing that when I go up to the main house every night there will be some great meal awaiting only my armload of salad greens. In these few years of retirement so far I have gotten to know this long term husband of mine in ways I never knew him before. We really talk, we exchange books and this is far from those days with so many kids to supervise, jobs we spent long hours on, and not much left at the end of the day but procedural conversations. ("The a/c seems to be failing", "Did you pay this or that bill", "Can you do the car pool on Thursday?") Now, the procedural conversations are just a minor part of life.
I love having some moments just to explore my surroundings, watch birds, tend the ever enlarging gardens, wonder and marvel at the big world and the intense stars on clear nights. I love having the freedom to be an artistic dilletante and explore with all my art materials. I love my new life in this community, the volunteer teaching, working on community development with inspiring people I would never have met in my old life. I love making new friends. I love the connections I have with young people. I love having my grandson visit.
What I do not like about retirement is that I have pretty much become invisible. I do not love not having an income except for the pittance of SS. I find it hard to have to be glued to a calendar dinged with odd events in various parts of the state. To make social connections, it's all up to me- none of that easy sociability that comes from work. I don't like facial wrinkles and yes, I do feel bad about my neck. I do not like having to think about and discuss our health issues. I have the horrifying vision of us as really old and fixated on our symptoms!
I think we made a good decision that we would, for the most part, try living here. We have traveled some, but not as the main thing some retirees do. You have to flop around a bit, discover what you want. Moving to a retirement community, playing golf, going on back to back cruises- that might fill a temporary void, but eventually, you have to do a certain amount of soul searching, forget the chicken neck, and get on with a pretty compelling part of life if you're lucky.
Right now, I'm going outside to spend some time observing the bat house and see if I can see some big brown bats out there. Then I will walk up to the main house and find my husband and the dog warming the bed.