Gifts

When Nancy and Neville pulled up in their car, they had bags and bundles and the dog. Immediately, Nancy began unwrapping the gifts she had for us: clothes she found at an upscale thrift shop for grandson Quincy, a pop-up tent for him and the dead racquet balls in a wonderful cylindrical container. She gave me a new tote bag, perfect and emblazoned with my initials, and a cooking doo-dad for Andy. She never comes empty-handed. In exchange, there was the wedging table Andy had made for her at my suggestion. I am thinking that we are very like some primitive emissaries from neighboring tribes, honoring each other with potlatch.

Later, Marie and Jim arrive. Marie has a huge impatience plant for me. She knows how much I love flowers and my yard is full of things she has given me over the years. There is now a huge orange tree, ("Marie"), that reliably produces huge quantities of fruit. There are many crepe myrtle trees she has given me, now about to leaf out. My yard is full of gifts.

We stroll down to the studio where I have the finished quilt for Marie, something I have been working on for a few weeks, a celebration of the many trips we have taken together. By the door is a large rosemary tree Marie gave me a couple of months ago.

For my daughter I have a small tee shirt I think she'll like, and she gives Nancy a shirt as well. She has a bundle of magazines for Marie. We women are constantly giving each other things. The men are talking, giving bits of their personal lives, giving opinions.

Have you ever noticed that it is mostly women who give gifts? Everyone knows that if women boycotted Christmas shopping our economy would collapse. Men are generous creatures in their own way(they give time and money, mostly) but they do not give many gifts. They know it is expected that they should give their partners gifts on birthdays and Christmas. Andy is the most generous person I know; he gives away money in such thoughtful ways, he gives his time for great causes, he shows people how to do things, which is the best gift of all. He gives the gift of cooking wonderful food for all our friends. But he agonizes about what to give me for my birthday.

Women often do not have a lot of money to give. Instead, they give of themselves whether it is the product of specialized shopping, or of their own hands. They enable others. My friend Virginia comes to us with a basket of key limes or a bowl of perfectly sectioned oranges. My friend, Nancy D. provides us with interesting jig saw puzzles, and gives me the most wonderful nightgowns. Lucy gives such amazingly funny items that we find ourselves using every day. This Lucy hand knitted dozens of fluffy scarves to give to all the women at a banquet last year. This may have been the high water mark of gift-giving! We women are always giving each other books. We never go empty handed. We save magazines and clippings for each other, we pass along gently used items to each other.

Never a week passes when I do not send someone something. I love to get those cards and those boxes from my sisters who think of me with hand-made necklaces or the kind of candles she knows I like. I love sending odd items off to my grandchildren: new spiderman underpants, a funny dress, a string of 'car' lights. This gift giving makes us feel connected! Is it something on the X chromosome?

Gift giving is such a fundamental aspect of being female. Things are not everything, however. Generosity in both the male and female models go together. We just all have to keep giving wherever and whenever we see the need to celebrate each other or help in the community.