Our Adult Children

No one told us how much time we had to devote to our adult kids. We educated them, drove endless miles to piano lessons, swim meets, soccer. Then they left home for college or far away places, and we kept on paying tuition, a small price to pay for the blessedly empty nest.

The leaving of our own nest was somewhat ragged, but nothing like what so many of my friends have had to endure. One of our kids spent time in three different colleges: not that he failed out. He was a seeker of the perfect place. He never did graduate, but he had his life in balance. Our middle child started out as perfectly as a parent can want, in a highly selective college. Then he took off for a semester in the woods while we worried. He finished college and went on to graduate school. He was his way, had a mission to change the world through urban studies. And this he is doing.

Our youngest, we thought the most dicey, (and surely the most vivid!), came back to our community after college and graduate school. We had given up on thinking that any of our children would live nearby. But here she is, with her wonderful partner and their small son.
They are entrepreneurs and have started a catering business - so far quite successful. Our daughter has the energy of ten. Not only does she run the business aspect of the catering gig, she works as the reference librarian at our local university and does a lot of tutoring. And raises a wonderful kid.

A few evenings ago, we went to look at the catering kitchen. I was blown away! This is a huge commercial kitchen and when we saw it there was a stocky young man, Pinky, who was using the kitchen to produce trays and trays of highly decorated sweets. When the catering does not need the kitchen they rent it out to people who need to make chocolate fountains and other stuff. I guess it is always in action. I could not believe that this commercial kitchen did not exist until the end on November!

My daughter-in-law, the brawn of this operation, is a fantastic chef, incredibly efficient, and cuts no corners with her food creations. The pair of them, and their third person who does p.r, seem to have a real winner. I am glad to have been an investor. What a thrill to be here to see this business evolve..

You never know what life will bring you. Sometimes your kids are a terrible disappointment for a time. I have friends whose adult kids are struggling with depression and angst, drug addiction, or are in a relationship with an abusive partner, or they just are strangers to their parents. Some of my friends have adult children who have pretty much abandoned their parents. Mostly these things will pass with time. Or they won't. This is why we have a strong network of our own friends, those who can always be counted on when family fails.

I believe that we are in charge of our lives, not some god out there. It puts more responsibility on us. No praying. No one is going to do it for us. We are in charge, responsible. We should do good because it is good, not to get to heaven. Just be good and generous. Our kids will see and understand, and eventually come back to us with love and caring.

As it is now,I love my adult children and the adult children of my friends. As I say, the outcome is still ragged but I know, with time, everything will be fine. (Says Sally Sunshine)