The Girl Posse

Every summer for many years now, these girls have come to visit me at my ranch. I think of them as "the posse" though the four of them are quite distinct. When they were twelve years old or so they wanted to revisit the ranch where they had had such a wonderful time on the annual school field trip their class made to the ranch each year. As they dispersed from elementary school to various middle schools and high schools they maintained their strong loyalty to each other- and to me!

The summer visit became a tradition. They slept upstairs with each other like litter mates, spewing their belongings all over the house, getting to know where everything was. They ate everything in sight, learned to cook with my husband, swam in the pool, and each night we played cards or scrabble games. We read and discussed books and made art and crafts and roamed the property by day and night.

Now they have just finished their first year of college. I see these beautiful young women who have emerged from being spotty and lumpy and unsure of themselves. They are fledgelings, young adults now, all glowing with that exquisite newness. This was the first year that I gave them the choice of staying in the guest house. Of course, they took it. I did not tell them how to manage that.

We had to do the traditional things. They ran around the property in the golf cart, they played cards with us, and they worked in my studio. We talked books and when several of our neighbors came for dinner one night they participated in our political talk and helped in the preparation of a dinner for ten. Over the three days they were here I felt comfortable letting them figure out what to do most of the time. They knew they could find me during work hours in my studio.

Teenagers have such a different time schedule! We've been up for three hours before an yone appears. It lets us have time to read the papers. And they have no interest in current events it seems. No one will rumple up the New York Times or scuffle through the Wall Street Journal.

Most of all, I listen to them. I observe them. These are children of the last generation before 9/11. They grew up being unafraid. They know this. I see these four beautiful and brilliant girls as beginning to be competent. They already know that they can be good students and they are open to figuring out what they can do, what they really want to do.

I wanted to ask them so many things! But I hold back. They'll tell me in good time. For now, I just think that it is enough that they want to come each year to reaffirm our friendship.

I am almost old enough to be the grandmother to these kids. I hope to see them with their own children ( if they want them) and with clear paths to an interesting and fulfilling life.

What I did not have the opening to tell them was that they should pay attention to their own parents, ask them what's on their minds, how they are. It's never too early to regard one's parents as people who have their good and bad issues. So often it takes such a long time for kids to be able to regard their parents as real people, not just people who are reliably there for them.

I am honored that the 'Posse' comes here. I love those girls!

Puerto Rico Wedding

Here is the groom looking under his wife's skirt (Is there anything there that is new??) It was a traditional wedding with the twist of Puerto Rico. Our family went down for five days to celebrate this union of my nephew Dan and his wife, Inia. We rented a lovely house in Rincon and twelve of us stayed there, lots of family, loving the beach and the pool and the coral reef out front. We hung out on the front balcony, ironed our wedding clothes, and were the hottest and sweatiest any of us could remember.

I love weddings! They are all the same, but with small differences. I want to tell all the brides and grooms that they should be loving and inviting to each other, not just for now, but over the long haul. Most of all, they need to be interesting to each other and for the whole marriage find topics to discuss.

There were funny things and lovely things happening. My four grandsons were stellar, so handsome and loving and fun! At the wedding we all danced. We all swam in the pool and explored tide pools and snorkeled on the reef. We discovered hundreds of terrestrial hermit crabs and huge green iguanas clinging to the trees.

All we ate were beans, pork, and rice, mostly. In Puerto Rico people don't eat many vegetables, but the fruits- bananas, mangoes etc- are wonderful.

Five days and we were ready to return. I am hungry for vegetables!

Obama doesn't walk on water

But he's trying to make good on his vision for a country with a decent economy, full employment, universal health care, and the strength to go forward with what is needed for global attention to climate change. A lot on his plate. He's got to be pragmatic but I'd love to see him in passing gear.

I watch on t.v. and read many papers each day. We have such a destructive legacy of partisanship. Mostly by the old white guys. I think that most of the people in our congress are TOO OLD! They have been 'carefully taught' in the words of the old song from "South Pacific". So much of what they say seems so knee jerk. They call it wisdom. (If Obama selected a nominee for the Supreme Court, she must be bad for the Republicans, or good for the Democrats.)

These days, as an "old" person, quite idiosyncratic and prone to pointing out that the Emperor has no clothes on, I am, first of all, thankful that I do not have to watch everything I say because of the partisan and media sharks out there. But I do wonder as I watch these senators and congressmen and pundits on t.v. - Could they ever be really honest?? Are they always covering their backsides for political reasons??

For example: Why didn't anyone clearly say the obvious long ago that Sarah Palin was really quite stupid, and certainly not up to the notion of being a heartbeat away from the presidency? Why is the Congress so intransigent about what needs to be done about Global Warming? Doesn't anyone really pay attention to how we can address our energy needs? We are pandering to Big Pharma and private health insurance, Big Energy. You can be assured that most members of congress and the senate are feathering their own political nests. (These guys are WAY too old to remember they might have dealt with a pregnant daughter with choices to make or a drop-out kid, or, or..)

Younger people, new people, of all colors and stripes might be able to look at each issue without the old white baggage of partisanship. You young people need to stop rolling on your backs in surrender. Get up there and bark for what's needed.

This is an amazing country! We have the chance to reset and I am hoping against hope that the young will latch on.

My Birthday

I would post a new photo but it takes a LOT of time to haul the photo from the archives these days; the flip side of living so far out in paradise is that the satellite is so slow.

But, here I am, still strong and now 69. Time to take stock. In so many ways I am still the person I was at 10. And in so many ways I have accrued the barnacles of age. I can now begin to understand how I am perceived by others- and it takes a lot of living to understand this. I am not an easy person, not an easy friend though I did not see this for most of my life. I am crabby, judgmental, high energy, extremely efficient and organized. Sometimes I scare people with my sharp questions.

I do see myself as a generous and curious person, mostly competent. I am always feeling that I could do better, do more, produce more.. Who doesn't?

On my birthday I bask in the arrivals of weird cards and calls and gifts. I loved the birthday night of my family and friends making crepes suzettes for me and singing the birthday song as the brandy burned off. I loved the gift my husband gave me of a lovely wood bench that allows me to get high enough to work on my wall of fabrics. I loved the gift my daughter gave me of her time to work on the technology of my phone. I loved the used and irreverent Sara Palin tee shirt from my son and the cards from my preliterate grandchildren. I loved the candle holder from my sister, who knew I coveted hers. I loved the call from my friend Jeff who offered to come here and work on my computer issues. I loved the visit from my brother and his wife. I loved the visit and hug from my neighbor, Warren. (Who said, "Are you sixty yet?") I loved the calls from young people who still want to connect with me.

I love and hate being this age. I hate the wrinkles above my knees and elsewhere. I am no longer at that invisible part of life that is middle age. Now! I am an old lady and I find it lovely to be respected for that. Idiosyncracy lives!







Another birthday and I am totally happy

Attention Must be Paid

Fifty years ago when I was in high school we all took the Kuder Preference Test. This was a survey of our interests and might predict what paths we should take to find fulfillment in our lives. The results of my test were evenly divided between Forest Ranger (What?) and Social Worker (Egads!). I had thought I wanted to be an artist, preferably a window dresser at Macy's in New York City. I was always adept arts and crafts things and had won local awards and prizes, nothing big. Mine was an artistic flair of the second tier, and in my heart of hearts I knew it.

I went on to a highly competitive liberal arts college in New England where I first majored in biology, quit that when the going got tough in Chem 2, segued into art history. As I walked each day from where I lived to the campus I noticed with delight the changes in the plants and trees and searched for the tracks in the snow of the many creatures who lived in that suburban ecosystem. To this day I could say where the fiddleheads would come up in the spring, where the crocuses were, the scylla in their glorious purple, and where to look for the earliest snowdrops. In late days of spring I loved to walk under the maple trees and pick up those winged seeds, split them open and stick them on my nose. In the fall I stopped to look at the fallen horse chestnuts all spiky and green. I knew how to gently squash them underfoot so that the nuts fell out in shiny mahogany perfection. As a kid I would do this and collect bags of them.

After college I went to art school on a scholarship where I had to put in a lot of time working in the education department of an art museum. My artworks were critiqued unmercifally and I loved it. But what I really learned was that my connection to kids in the museum's programs was what I wanted to do. (I was still walking slowly to class so I wouldn't miss the birds nesting in the vines and the flowering of the lilacs.)

I became a teacher (social work!). A great joy was being outdoors, camping, hiking. Teaching, as I have done, incorporated the things I love most.

As an older person (wrinkled and idiosyncratic), I look back and think that for many reasons I did not pay attention to some of what I really wanted to do. I should have been a biologist or a botanist, or a forest ranger. It could have been my focus as a teacher. I had my parents' voices in my head too much. ("Be anything you want. But it should be something really abstruse - a classicist, a writer of dry historic..")

Now, as a wizened old person, I regret that that I did not pay attention to what I really wanted to do. Fortunately it has turned out well: I roam the wild acres we live on and revel in it. I have introduced generations of children to the natural environment. I have time to make my art such as it is.

But I very much regret that I did not pay attention to the world or the U.S. for great stretches of time. I had been involved in the Civil Rights movement, I protested the Viet Nam war, I dragged my toddlers to the Nixon Counter Inagural and exposed them to tear gas. I was a community organizer for education. I was oblivious to the recessions of the eighties and I practically slept through the nineties.

As an addend to my powerful spouse I went to a White House dinner in the Clinton era and we hiked two summer weekends with Bob MacNamara and I was anxious a few times with Kay Graham in her salons. I traveled the world, marveling at everything, shaking the hands of presidents and scoundrels. But I did not pay attention!

After a ceremonial trip to many South American countries, my eyes were opened to this wonderful continent. In the years following, I visited as many equatorial countries as I could. I went with my friend, Marie for many trips- Peru, Equador, the Galapagos, Costa Rica, Panama, Brazil. These were not ceremonial trips, they were bare bones, out houses with tarantulas, fer de lance snakes on night hikes, riding horses through caman infested waters, cities in the midst of coups, and wonderful birds and tropical plants. I paid attention!

Attention must be paid to our present American situation. We have a president who is among the best of American statesmen. It's early to tell, and Obama has the hardest row to hoe of any president so far. Yet, he's still energetic, idealistic, pragmatic, articulate as we have never seen before. We must pay attention to the health care issues all of us care so much about, and we must pay attention to honesty and ethics. We must pay attention to children and having rigorous standards of education. We must not let our loving attention to our country be deflected by the selfish, dewy cheeked, dumb likes of Sara Palin or the shrill and cranky agenda of Rush Limbaugh.

We must pay attention.

The new Health Plan and other things

The Obama administration has been so out there promoting the ever evolving health plan that no one could fail to be aware that we must think about all of this. It dings us every day because we know people who have such severe or not severe health issues and they cannot pay.

To begin, this spring I began to feel really crummy, as did my partner. We thought it was some kind of mild bronchitis and we soldiered on, and took some plane trips. Big mistake. We went to the doctor and he diagnosed pneumonia and said I should get tests involving x-rays. He knows that I DO NOT DO ANYTHING INVASIVE, so he prescribed a powerful antibiotic I took for ten days. I looked this up on the internet and it cost less than $50. My prescription provider said it cost almost $260, of which I paid $25. How crazy is this??

At this point we were still not feeling very well, though the pneumonia seemed to be gone and lungs were clear. Our ears were plugged up. Another doctor visit and more antibiotics (amoxicillin) for middle ear infection. Ears slowly clearing and we are no longer feeling like Mr. Mcgoo and his wife. Then we went on another plane trip, more ear problems- a dysfunctional eustacian tube? On to Cipro.

Actually, I am now feeling pretty much back to normal (though still fairly deaf in one ear). In all of this we have had Medicare pay, except for a low co pay. Our prescription insurance pays most of drug costs. But we know that Big Pharma costs WAY more than it should.

A dear friend of mine who is over 65 and presumably on medicare, went to the dermatologist for routine skin scanning, had a number of moles and issues, got them biopsied. Apparently, she did not get referred from her primary care doc ( who knew??) So her insurance will not pay the $2000 incurred from this visit. My friend has no choice: she will not get those squamous cell carcinomas removed, she will not get those precancerous moles removed. And she'll have sleepless nights wondering how she'll pay the dermatologist (who couldn't in the end help her.)

And how does one get dental help?? Our new neighbor up the road seems to have very few front teeth. Who would want that?

How could anyone in our country want less than easy access to medical and dental help? I don't know about any of you, but I find this a hard thing to do.

Another topic! Sara Palin! What do you think? Is it money, sex, or ethics?