Lola

At three a.m., everyone's worry spot, I sometimes think about my dog, Lola, who at this point in the night is securely and warmly attached under the covers to the back of my knees.
She's thirteen years old! Our last dog died at fourteen, and I have always regretted that I didn't do more for her!
So, I think about Lola, the very best pet anyone could have. What would life be without her?
When she was a puppy I took her to work with me and the kids in school helped socialize her. They took her out to pee on a regular basis and we walked her around the neighborhood. She slept in the kids' laps and her very soft fur was touched by many small hands.
I have always believed that to get a good dog you have to pay attention and put in a lot of time. This worked out. From the beginning she had her crate, her best home. When I say, "Get packed!" she immediately goes into the crate. After the first two brutal months of training, she has been perfectly house trained and walks like a pro on a leash in town. She comes when called.
We have traveled a lot in Lola's lifetime. She has gone with us on many road trips and by now she is familiar with pet friendly hotels and rest stops between here and North Carolina. (Dogs never forget!) Once we took her on a plane across the continent and she spent the airborn hours in her carrier beneath the seat, never a bark. She is a perfect guest in other people's homes.
Lola is a short haired dog and there isn't much shedding. She is a self groomer and never "icky". Her eyes are clear and everything about her is sharp and smooth. Nothing about her had to be docked or changed. She has those incredibly soft ears and an expressive tail she wags when either of us comes into the house (I am so glad to see you!) Once a month I take her to get her nails clipped. That's it.
Lola has many voices. In the middle of the night she sometimes emerges from the covers and barks (There's a wild animal out there! Let me out and I will protect us all!) So we carry her from our high bed and let her out to bark at the deer or armadillos or raccoons. And after awhile she whines in a tiny voice to come back into our bed.
Lola has her routines, and she keeps us to them. After breakfast she knows that Andy will be reading the papers and she'll be right beside him on the couch, keeping his hip warm. Then, when the sun is just right in the sky, she'll hop down and bark at the door to be let out on the porch for "rays". If the day is quite cool,she'll want to come in again. "Lola, get a life! I am not a doggy doorman!" we say.
After lunch we must lie on the couch and read the New York Times. Lola is ready!
At exactly five o'clock it's dinner time for Lola and she nags Andy for food and her dessert of a marrow bone treat.
After our dinner she knows it's time to watch the news on T.V. so she barks to be lifted up on the couch. She watches me knit. And after a decent amount of time, she barks to go outside and then scampers to the side of our bed to be put up for the night. Her job is to warm the bed for later when her people will arrive.
I think about getting a new 'back-up dog', because I couldn't be without a dog. But then I think about being non-dog when I did not have to make arrangements for when we're away, not going to the vet, not having to worry about another living creature..
We love our pets! I think Lola will be here for some time. We will cheerfully lift this old beloved friend on to the furniture to where she can no longer leap by herself. We will take her on golf cart rides she loves, and when we take walks on the property we'll be prepared to carry her when she's had enough.
I notice that Lola can't manage steps very well and she favors one leg. Nothing wrong with that expressive tail, though.
So I have that three a.m. worry. What would I do without Lola?

The Wedding today

Jarrod and Rebecca are exchanging their wedding vows today on our property in the Green Swamp. They are beautiful young people with everything before them in life. You see here the three year old, Rebecca's son who was certainly a beloved member of the wedding. Rebecca's dad, a cleric, officiated.

I loved this wedding that was just a small and intimate gathering of the immediate family. No fuss, no great expense, but great expectations. Jarrod is the son of our long time friend, Steve, who has been in our life since we built our house here. Steve has painted and constructed so much for us! His work is in every single thing on this ranch. Jarrod grew up to be his dad's helper. The two of them spent hours painting the guest house so it was quite fitting that the wedding would be here.

What weird stuff we do! When the wedding was over and everyone had stepped over the cow pies and repaired to their cars, Andy and I went back to the main house to finish reading the Sunday papers, do some gardening and get on with Sunday afternoon activities. We declined the invitation to go to the reception at the Pearl in the Grove.

There were some Martha Stewart moments for me when I wanted to take flowers to the room where the bride dressed. And I wanted to put pink balloons on the gate. (I have been the mom for so many weddings!) But I did not do any of these things.

I gave the groom a handsome check for a wedding gift. And in three hours everyone left for the reception. I am hoping that Jarrod and Rebecca will have one night in a good motel. Soon enough reality will be upon them as they wend their way with a three year old and a newborn child and all of them will be living with Rbecca's parents.

What an amazing life this is! I always look at life half full, certainly for Jarrod and Rebecca.

Science Fair

Here are Abagail and Victoria, fourth graders, in front of Victoria's science fair project. Every so often in my life I stumble upon such excellence it takes my breath away.
Today I spent six hours as a judge in my local elementary school's science fair. There were hundreds of entries and all the judges had official clipboards and many things to check off. The kids' project boards were arrayed in the media center and each project had to be judged by two people.

Daunting. When we judged a project we interviewed the student. We wanted every child to feel proud and successful, yet we all wanted them to be aware of what might be lacking. These were eight to twelve year old students in a school that has more than ninety percent free lunchers. Many of them are new to English and many come from really hard backgrounds.

But on this day they were all nervous. The head of the media center, Michelle, had made sure that every child would have a project to display. She had invited parents to come to the four sessions she presented on how to give help to their kids and what to do.

Of course, some parents gave major help with typing and presentation and helping with the experiments (and, no doubt, a lot of nagging!) Some kids just had to do everything on their own. Michelle made sure that every child had something fairly decent to display.

The preponderance of entries were pretty basic: how much water does a diaper contain? and how far does a rubber band shoot etc. I would say that almost all the kids had no idea what a variable is. One kid listed "Charlie Brown's Christmas" as a reference book.

But, there, shining through the rough weeds were a few spectacular flowers blooming! Victoria had been thinking about Dawn detergent as having been so key in the Gulf of Mexico oil spill clean up. Maybe it cleaned up birds but what did this product do to the worms in the earth? So, this was her project. (Dawn was not so kind to earthworms.) And, she could talk about it!

Abigail wanted to explore what materials would soak up the most oil. So she designed her project with many materials including human hair, cotton etc. Both these original projects were beautifully executed and presented, nothing misspelled, everything complete. They are nine years old. They did this in the best way, by themselves, but with interested support from parents.

There were a few kids who had stellar projects on display without help from parents or a home computer.

I was in my element. These kids need encouragement and vision. To many of them I promised that I would be there to see their next year's project in middle school. I took down names of kids to whom I will send articles and recipes and stuff they can use in extending their investigations. I think that best thing about the day was all the interesting and respectful conversations I had with these kids. (And the hugs!)

This is not your WASP Country Day School; it is one of the poorest schools in Florida, and pretty much everyone is a lovely shade of brown. But, stay tuned. Some of them will be winners of science talent searches. Some of them will rise to the top.

Family Values?

While browsing the internet I came upon a video of an eight year old child belting out hard rock music. I think, what kind of family value is this? What have we come to to think it is cute to put your young child out there in a public swarmy way? Are we confused?
Our GOP candidates are all talking family values these days. No one actually specifies what these may be. Certainly not marriage fidelity and certainly not actually thinking about children who may be hungry or needy. Certainly not thinking about being ethical models for the young persons for whom we are responsible. Certainly not being open to having a gay child or addressing the thorny problems of birth control or abortion or poverty.
What are family values? I believe that every one of us who is not a hermit, knows that families are us. They are messy and never easy, always shifting and so complicated.
As a nation we need to keep talking to each other to refine our beliefs. We know that so many of us who have families are not married, many of us have all kinds of in-laws and out-laws. Children in our families come and go. And yet we are still a tribe.
What are our 'family values'? Do we get these from church? Do we get them from the media?
I believe that family values is being there for your family whatever happens: births, deaths, sickness, joy. It is talking to everyone in your family, being open to all, having fun, loving every member and listening to them. Family values is also about looking outward to the bigger family community of your town and embracing
difference. Family values is about being honest.
Getting back to that little girl put on the internet to belt out rock songs, I believe we have lost our way. She should be allowed a childhood, cuddled and read to, appreciated and fed and loved. Family values.

Seven

You can skip this one if you aren't interested in little kids. But, really, who cannot be beguiled and fascinated with the ever changing nature of the young male?

"Quincy," I announce at breakfast when he is devouring potato pancakes and strawberries, "The house cleaner is coming today and we need to clean up some of this stuff."

As grandparents, we have a different status from parents who are mostly busy with their work and life and driving everywhere for lessons and sports and making dentist appointments and play dates. Here on the ranch life is easy and rich with possibility, especially with this seven year old boy. He's always cheerfully part of the program, up for anything. So of course we make it possible.

Yes, there are standards here!! I pay attention to hygiene in my way. He has to wash hands before meals, brush his teeth at night, bathing and hairwashing are negotiable and he can wear bedroom slippers in the yard. Don't read this, Mom.

From the moment he comes (for weekends or longer) our house and yard and barn become instantly littered with his projects. Bottom line is that he must make a passageway through the toys from the top of the steps through the playroom to his room. Stepping in those legos in the dark as I go to check on him before I go to bed will surely cripple me.

Our bargain this morning is that he will clean up the playroom, put the thousands of Legos on a large tray, the trains in their baskets, the hot wheels extravaganza where I do not have to see them. The play room will be in shape for vacuuming, and his room will not be touched. And then I discover that the hall closet downstairs (with a secret door to it) has been occupied. In addition to the vacuum cleaner, old holiday decorations and a water heater, there are tiny incursions from this seven-year-old. A Lego construction, a camping lantern, office supplies and tiny plastic people.

As I make my morning rounds around the house and yard I find many small indications that a creative seven year old has been here. The coffee tables have his books and stickers and always some stray Legos. Playmobile parts, camoflaged on the carpets, lie in wait to maim me. The yard has lumps of pine needles gathered for some imaginative play, and a small tent set up the day before by grandpa. The zipper on the tent is stuck. In the days when I was a Mom of small boys, I went through the house every night and shoved everything into a bin.

I forgot how much fixing and tending is required. Now, I can patiently fix the stuck zipper or glue the tiny broken part, squinting through my reading glasses. When we flew kites in the field today, I spent most of the time untangling kite line. Grandpa showed Quincy how to play out the line and we all ran around avoiding the kite eating trees. We were patient as Quincy kept hanging up on palm fronds and cow pies. He told me how fun it was for him. "But hard!" Eventually, all three kites were beautifully in the air.

And, as I had forgotten, there is the constant problem of finding things! So we look for his beloved action figure, or some tiny Lego thing, or his shoes..

Seven year olds are so talkative! Every second there is a question or a comment or opinion. As we see the newspaper at breakfast time I read some stories out loud and we all talk about them. The story about the ship that sank off Italy was pretty interesting.

Quincy is raring to go to be a competent person. After meals he helps in the kitchen by clearing the table and loading the dishwasher, putting in the detergent and turning the machine on. He lights the candles for dinner and carefully snuffs them out after.

This little guy has such charming politeness, one wants to accommodate him. When he is here we love it so much but it does mean that we are always "ON".

You raise your own children, rejoice in having grandchildren. We have six grandchildren and some of them have spent major time here. Other grandparents have been major players in the life of these kids. This is what that 'village' is.

Finally getting it

I admit that I am a political junkie. I love this season of political jiggliness and comedy when anything can happen, and usually does. I hate the Supreme Court decision that now allows unconscionable amounts of money to pour into campaigns. But it does have the effect of changing all the rules, allowing marginal candidates to hang on way past their fifteen minutes of fame. Just wait long enough and every single tidbit of 'baggage' will be examined. Even Romney's trip to Canada with the dog strapped to the roof.

My neighbors in this small southern town,whom I respect, are the canaries in the coal mine, so I keep a sharp ear out for what they are thinking. I know they have a great sense of self interest, fairness, and frugality. This translates into 1. Don't touch my entitlements, 2. I got where I am through my own hard efforts and others should do the same, and 3. Somewhere, I forgot where, we were told to spend less. (They also want to shoot guns.)But the main thing about doing away with an Obama presidency is that he's not "one of us". This is not exactly racism, yet it is. These folks may be Christian but that is not quite it. (Obama is Christian!)They are afraid and they do not know who the enemy is and it must be somebody who is not one of us.

Some of my neighbors have children who are openly gay, and none of my neighbors have vast numbers of children, so I must conclude that homosexuality and birth control, even abortion, are not important issues to them. But they are all either getting older or are retirees and depend on Social Security and Medicare.They worry about unemployment for themselves and their kids. They rely on unemployment checks.

So why might they support a GOP candidate who wants to shrink entitlements and continue to give such generous tax breaks to the one percent? Economics is a hard topic to understand and if all you get is Fox soundbites affirming "free enterprise", where do you come out? Especially, where do you come out if you are not a "one issue" voter who will vote for the candidate who has your issue at his back?

After crossing off the candidates who might reduce your entitlements,you go for voting for the least offensive candidate who is trying to vote out Obama (who is not one of us). By this time you are so confused by the issues as laid out by the many candidates you are picking your choice by his clothing or personal warmth or even the family dog (who did or did not go to Canada strapped to the roof of the car!)

So, it's just the beginning. Enjoy the ride.

Life is sweet!

Here is Quincy, seriously regarding the making of the cane syrup at the Pioneer Florida Museum today. It was a day for the old geezers out in full force in a chilly Florida morning. He had already ridden the mule, Molly, who walked around the circle powering up the squeezing of the sugar cane stalks. (Later, as we kissed good night he told me that this was the best thing about today.)

We toured the village and rode the kumquat barrel train and inspected everything, including the gift shop which deserved such attention before deciding on what trinket to purchase. We looked at the menu for lunch there and decided that home for lunch was best.

This age, a young seven, is so amazing! I look back on my own kids and regret that I did not appreciate them so much for this transforming age. I was too crazed being a working mom and trying to be all things to everyone. Little league, swim team, soccer, my work, a fascinating spouse, the spark of our home.

So, now, I have the ease and time to be a wonderful grandma to this beautiful boy I have known since his birth when he was a tiny tune lying on my belly breathing in and out like magic.

He has spent time with us since he finished breastfeeding, so we know about diapers and intercoms at night, lugging him around, potty training etc. Voila! He's now seven and sensible and independent. Dinners have really good conversations and many questions. And after dinner Quincy pitches in to clean up the kitchen, loads the dishwasher and dries the salad bowl.

Then he goes upstairs to take a bath and get ready for bed. Though he is a competent reader now, he loves the time when I read outloud to him and he cuddles against me.

No doubt, I am getting old. But not too old to be an important person in this child's life.

I would love to have my other young grandchildren in my life, but they live far away and don't know us very much. The older three grandchildren have been in our life forever. Such a pleasure!

And now, we are to have twins in the family! Life goes on, life is sweet, and I know from this Quincy grandson, one must just have to take the sweetness as it lands on you.

Better than I would have thought!

Well, I am now in love with that little iphone (with Siri). I spent some of the day experimenting and exploring this technology. I applaud Steve Jobs many times over. I started out my digital life with Apple computers and then, when so much was really NOT Apple, I switched to microsoft, and was frugal ever since. I am used to my Dells with all the quirks and difficulties, crashes, strange little computer issues.

But, today! What ease, what joy with that iphone! There is no inch thick manual in that sleek box it came in. No directions! It just goes. (I must confess that my daughter did the set-up for me and she uploaded all my contacts, music, hiccups, whatever from the "other" phone and my computer.)  But, everything works. I went out in the pasture by the pond and made several calls and had perfect reception! I love the camera, I love the app that tells me what bird is that? I love my camera- and the wonderful editing possibilities.?

Suddenly, those twitter folks and the Face book folks seem more in the front. But what do I want or need to say the most authentic? Is anyone really interested in the birds I see or my digestion??

So, this evening, as usual, I will go out and enjoy the bats flying. My iphone will be on charge, and I will be a free woman.

I have had a very fun day all by myself exploring my new toy, but I really do think that actual face to face communication is still the best.

Grandma in the digital world

I am the exact same age as Jane Fonda and Joan Baez. Jane, Joan and Molly- you can know our age cohort by our names. They could as well be Carol, Virginia, Kathy or Marie or Betty. Our grand daughters are Sheniqua, Beyonce, Taylor and Ashley.

You could tell our digital knowhow by our names! Today I received in the mail my new iphone. I was looking forward to having Siri as my personal assistant. So cool, this pristrine white phone. All potential.

But no, I am mired in the never never land of retrieving passwords that do or do not exist. So far away is Siri, not to be accessed by me (without some password I cannot retrieve)

I need the next generation to help me in this. When I was in the phone store the future seemed so easy. All you have to do is.. But there are the complicated internet issues. So I will take my laptop and phone to my daughter Elizabeth, not Ashley, and she will walk me through the set-up.

Today I went on a field trip with the garden club to visit a hydroponic fish and vegetable farm. I am one of the youngest members of this group of very old ladies and gents. They are so slow. We move as a group of folks with walkers and canes, some very fat and immobile, others as very old folks needing to check everything twice and more. I love these guys, make no mistake. They all have interesting stories to tell and they have such gardening knowledge! They love these field trips, a highlight of their lives. I am humbled by their game face when I know that so many of them are really hurting as they manage their walkers uphill and down.

They pay no attention to this and ask many questions of our tour guide and volunteer interesting information. No cell phones or messaging alerts sounded while we were on this tour.

Quite different from being with younger folks who are always fingering the cell phones, looking up stuff, sending texts.

I wonder how this new connectivity will play out. Here are these folks of great age I was with today. Most of them do not even email (so I will have to send them regular mail notification of the next garden club meeting at my house next month). They worry about how they will find my house (GPS? Google Maps?) No way. They want a hand drawn map of how to get here. And of course, I'll do it.

So, I am betwixt and between these worlds. I am still fearless, but clueless none the less. I need Sheniqua!

Goodbye Garden

All the orchids have been removed from the pool enclosure and will now winter on the kitchen sideboard. They all have buds or blooms and it is such a pleasure to have them there to watch as their incredible delicate blossoms emerge and then stay beautiful for weeks.

We are expecting freezing weather for the next few days so I have been in a pre- mourning mode for all the stuff that can't be covered and will be lost or frozen to the ground. I know that acrid odor of burst plant cells the morning after a freeze. And I know I will deal with it as I always have. (Order the seeds and plant starts from the wonderful catalogs.)

The vegetable garden that has been so generous this fall and winter to us and all our friends will suffer losses. (Collards survive anything!) I will cover the lettuce beds and the mizuma patch. We have eaten or given away everything we could. The tomatoes, still green, but large, have been picked. The potatoes have an extra layer of mulch hay. Herbs will get a covering of all those old sheets I keep for the purpose.

Growing a vegetable garden is my meditation thing. It's a thing of wonder to me that the earth can provide if I help it along a bit. I love the sheer exuberance of the swirl of collard plants. I love the colors of the beets and onions growing side by side. I love the companionship of my grandson in the garden. He eats anything- lettuce leaves, snowpeas, cherry tomatoes. And so, every year about this time I am prepared to miss an old friend I counted on every evening for the dinner table.

Oh, no! I see another hound dog, lost from hunting, approaching our house. This is also a part of winter, and hunting season. We cut firewood today, and we'll all need it.

Off to rescue that dog.


Happy New Year

Here is the magnificent and traditional red snapper, stuffed with crab and shrimp. We were neighbors enjoying this New Year's Eve feast that included the fish and a huge green salad from the garden, my husband's bread,  Peter's barbequed ribs, black eye peas, apples and onions, rice pilaf. For dessert we had Anne's famous chocolate pecan pie, Virginia's carefully sectioned oranges from her tree, Vivian's lemon pudding. Everything was perfect and afterwards we finally stood up and repaired to the living room. Of course the old folks couldn't possibly stay up beyond midnight to wave sparklers!