Desperately poor and no way out

What I have been doing every day as a volunteer at our local elementary school could not have prepared me for what I experienced today. I have been reading to kids every day in their classroom. And I have been extremely critical of what I see as a dismal and uninviting place for children to be. I finish this semester dispirited that I could not have made much of a difference for these kids.

The kids clearly love having me come and they seem starved for personal conversation and connection. Most days, a fair number of the kids are absent - who knows why? Certainly these eight year olds have no control over the act of getting to school. So, how can they really focus on a chapter book and what has happened in the story so far? I am a dramatic reader and I choose engaging books but many of them squirm and twist and ask to go to the bathroom and pick and pat at every part of me as I sit in the designated rocking chair with the book we are reading. They quickly explore any bag or purse I bring and they perk up when I bring one of the many activities (crafts, food, origami..) These activities are difficult because every single child needs and demands personal attention as they try to do the given task.

I love these kids! For more than thirty years I was an excellent teacher of middle class helicoptered children. They had a solid general knowledge and by third grade had good reading and math skills. But here, this is not the case through no fault of their own.

In that dreary classroom with no natural light and nothing inviting, I now see it as a respite from the home life so many of them have. More than 95% of them are on free lunch and breakfast.

A few weeks ago I mentioned to the school secretary that I would be happy to contribute to any school outreach to families over the holidays. I have known that so many families depend on the Back Pack program that feeds families over the weekends. Then, one day, the school secretary told me that she had a family in need of a holiday food basket. A single mom with five children under ten!

O.K. I put together several large boxes of food with lots of protein, bags of rice and dried beans, applesauce, canned vegetables. My grandson got into it and contributed a huge bag of lightly used outgrown clothes and toys. After a major Walmart trip, we wrapped a doll and several gifts and clothes and games for the family. A lot of stuff!

Then the school contributed a frozen turkey! I was really reluctant to deliver all this. I always want to be anonymous. But what was I thinking?? This was not about me. This family just was desperate. So my husband and I drove the bounty to the designated home, and as planned, the family was waiting.

At first, I just saw an ordinary small block house with roses blooming in front. There were no piles of derelict toys and cars about. Only a broken above ground small pool and a tilted basketball hoop , nothing notable.

It looked like thousands I have seen driving by. The neighborhood was all the same.

When we arrived I saw several people in the car port, a man in a wheelchair and a couple of women. They were waiting for us. All of them were smoking and the air was heavy with the fumes. The mom, I guess, was about 25 or so and she seemed sad and had such a low affect, but she was clearly glad to have all this stuff delivered. A very small girl appeared and then we went in to put down the heavy boxes of food.

Inside, the space was very dark and crammed with large couches. In the gloom I saw a baby in a walker near the enormous t.v. tuned to something unfamiliar to me. The kitchen area was piled with junk. We were only inside for the time it took to deliver the food. But I saw the raw desperation of this life. I will always remember the flat expression of this mother of five. She barely could say "Thank you".

Where, oh where does one begin to make these lives better? And how in the world could I expect that the kids I read to, who come from these homes, could possibly be interested in watercress sandwiches that Lewis the Swan ate in the fanciest hotel in Boston??

The mom looked blankly at the frozen turkey twirling on my husband's wrist. She said she didn't know how to cook it. It was obvious that she didn't have an oven up to the job, nor was she about to try. I told her that she might be able to get a neighbor to help, and, hey, there are instructions on the wrapper.

So we chunked that turkey and all the boxes of food down in the terrible kitchen and left feeling that no gifts had been given either way.

As we begin the Christmas season with all the gifts and great food and wonderful family and friends I am humbled and grateful.

Our Fifteen Minutes of fame, or whatever

When I retired from work nine years ago, it was new territory for me. I had worked every year of my life, and for forty years I had been a director/teacher in a small private school in Pinellas County. Each day was wonderful and full of challenge and great colleagues and the children! The ripples from my time there ran wide and still I hear from many former students and I take pride in their accomplishments.

In retirement, you don't necessarily become a non-person, but you do have to know that you could become irrelevant if you wish. You could play golf all day or sit in front of the T.V. And that would be o.k.

You could do something quite wonderful, quite different. You have the time and energy. I think of my friend, Richard Riley, who lives not too far from me in this rural community. He is also a retiree, from Maine, and he has been here as long as me.

Richard and his wife, Kathy, have carved out an amazing place in this community. Richard is a gifted photographer and he has set out to document everything that happens here. He posts his photos on Facebook so all of us who live here can instantly see what and who about this day or yesterday. He has been a major player in the community development of our tiny impoverished place and is tireless in every effort. He has twice taken on the leadership of the community development group, always making sure the agenda, minutes, plans, are perfect.

Both Richard and Kathy are so accessible to all of us in the community it is a model for any CEO!
Kathy's great interest is in the Garden Club and in our circle that grows the community garden.

Most of all, I see these folks as humble, trying to do their best, and being so effective as the glue for our lives here. Their ripples will flow wide.

Richard writes a weekly blog telling everyone what the upcoming community events are. He also includes links to the recent newspaper articles concerning our community. And, as a liberal Democrat and atheist, sometimes he gently lets his thoughts be known.

I think that the Rileys and I have that same sense of adventure about this later and interesting phase of life. You just find a place you can be and then do it! And it's freeing to know that you are doing it because you love it and find it important. No need, now, to consider resumes or awards or whether you'll get into Harvard or Heaven.

So Richard photographs the senior doings and the Girl Scout cookie sales and the food banks and everything else in-between. He keeps the local government honest, and he is always there.

Sometimes I see some of Richard's photographs that are so wonderful I want him to have an exhibit, or do a book (or become famous!). But, I deeply believe that folks such as Richard are in their highest and best place right now. This lovely man will go to his grave knowing that he made a difference, indeed, documenting and leading a community.

I keep on going to the local school every day to read out loud and make sure those kids have some practical skills. I hope it makes a difference.

Before I must fade away into an old folks home, this retirement deal is really a great time of life!

The Pinnacle of Beauty

Tonight I saw on Facebook a lovely photo of one of my former students. Her dad posted this on the event of her graduation from college. It was almost hard for me to recognize this young woman who is now so beautiful and composed. But I could see the wonderful girl she was, crooked teeth, skinny long legs, lanky hair, so bright. All that. I loved her then. And I knew she would turn out to be terrific. She has!

It is the pinnacle of perfection: a college degree, flawless skin and a slim body and so many options for her life.

I love seeing how these young persons turn out! I know they will have hard times discovering who they will be and what they want to do. They will get love handles and bunions and all the rest. But for now everything is perfect.

I do not want to punch this bubble of perfection, but I do agonize about the future world for these kids who have been so carefully nurtured, always empowered, always loved and cherished by their parents, teachers and the community.

Is this enough? Are we preparing our young for the very different world that is to be?

My Yard

Here is a photo of ibis on a cypress tree. Guess they are enjoying the high water we have had this winter.

I have not written this blog lately because I have been so busy with family and community and everything else. Also, I am trying to settle down and write about what I love, what interests me.

This is not about growing older, nor fashion, nor cooking! What really interests me is looking at all the natural stuff on our property.

These days I am fascinated with the water that comes and goes from the swamp to the river and back. We had eight inches of rain last week (all in one day!). It took a couple of days to see the back and forth flushing of the swamp and river water. Early mornings I drive the mile to get the newspapers from our box. Usually I stop at the box culvert bridge to check on the conditions and look at the birds. This morning there were dozens of wood storks, way more than I have ever seen on this place. Hundreds of ibis too. Do they text each other that the water is up and full of tasty things to eat? The harsh cackling of bird disagreement were everywhere! (or was it just plain joy?)

This is the view from the bridge. Usually it is just a trickle of water from the swamp, but now the water spreads out over everywhere.

The birds are happy and so am I! This winter, so far, has been kind and warm and taken care of our vegetable garden and all the others. I went up to put in some time in the school garden today and picked a peck of green beans, some tomatoes and broccoli which I gave out to anyone I could find.

For supper tonight we had fried green tomatoes, collards, a wonderful salad of our lettuces and grapefruit. I love the bounty of the land!

Way after dark, I heard the cacophony of the sandhill cranes. Why is this? They are supposed to be asleep. So many interesting questions and so much to keep on learning.

Last week my son and grandson and I went out at night with our flashlights to see if we could find any alligators in the pond. We saw no alligator eyes but we did see some amazing bioluminescent points of light all around the edge of the water. Grandson thinks it comes from tiny worms.

This is the season I love best, early winter before the frosts when the mornings are cool, the days are warm and the nights are chilly.