Family First

It hasn't always been this way; putting my family first. When we moved to Florida my oldest son was eight. "I'm glad you aren't always on the phone," he observed. Of course, I hardly knew anyone to be with on the phone those first few months. I wasn't working outside the home, but I was itchy to start. Kids hate that ringing phone which means that their parent will be temporarily lost to them.

Soon,, the boys were in school, and I was working in their school, and on the phone a lot to other parents. Life took on a rhythm. Eventually, I began to work at a new school; it became my life's work. When our oldest child was twelve, we had another child, a daughter, who went to work with me from day one.

But, even though I was physically there a lot of the time for the three kids, I was caring for many others too. The kids knew that I didn't work for the Little League with a glad heart. I was not fascinated to watch unending laps swum for the swim team. I found night time high school basketball pretty tedious,(except for the time when four players lost their retainers and were scrabbling around on the gym floor). I absolutely could not be in the cheering section very often for bike races. When our daughter and niece were doing gymnastics I never watched what they were doing because I was correcting papers from my school kids. The best that could be said was that, apart form driving everyone everywhere, I showed up.

I had an afterschool homework group for my sons and some of their friends and they generally stayed for supper. We had a generous household, full of kids. But what I know in my heart of hearts is that I didn't have enough time for each of them.

Now that I am retired I have time - and there is never enough of it. Family still wants a piece of me. I think of each of my six grandchildren. Only one lives nearby so he gets a lot of attention from us. I try to connect with the others very often with phone calls, e-mails, gifts, visits. I had no idea how much time this takes!

We need to make visits to the far places our children and grandchildren live. I still have that old feeling of needing some unfolding time for us after all these years of working full-tilt. There is unfinished business for us, the parents, apart from our children and grandchildren.

Family comes first. They know this. We are not yet old enough for our kids to have to care for us:they would be horrified to think of it now. They know that there is a window of time when parents can freely be parents and grandparents, strong but accepting.

Andy and were discussing our youngest grandson today. What we notice about him is so detailed compared with what we noticed about our own kids! I love the way life gives one second chances to attend to important stuff.