As I write this I am listening to Handel's "Messiah", a work I know well. I listen for that 'rest' before that last magnificent part of the Hallejulia chorus. When I was a choirster, we knew to pay close attention so that not one voice would spoil it with a wavering soprano jumping the gun.
It was the midnight service on Christmas eve, the air palpable with alcohol fumes from the communal breath of the Christmas faithful. The choir was resplendent in freshly starched collars and our scratchy red robes. We knew that our music was in place, the candles fresh, the incense ready to be swung on cue. While we were crowded into the sacristy, ready to begin the procession around that glorious Gothic church, some of us were really proud of having received the coveted Gold Cross, given out this night to the best and faithful choir members. We listened for "Doc", the organist and choirmaster to begin the intro to "Joy to the World", our cue to begin the procession around the church. As we left the sacristy behind the cross bearer, we each had our candles lit by an altar guild lady, hovering in the doorway.
All of us kids were either in the choir or carrying candles or crosses. My father was in the congregation. My mother never came to church because she said it was her time to be shed of five kids for a short time. On Christmas Eve, she was probably enjoying the peace of looking at the Christmas tree, maybe anticipating the joy of the gifts to come for her family.
I know this Christmas music. It's part of my soul and my heritage. I can live without the chipmunks or Elvis, and since I don't shop much I can avoid the commercial Christmas music in stores. But I love "Silent Night".
This Christmas, like all the Christmases since I have been an adult, does not include any nod to organized religion. As Sam Harris has written, "Helping people purely out of concern for their happiness and suffering seems rather more noble than helping them because you think the creator of the universe wants you to do it, will reward you for doing it, will punish you for not doing it." I am a non-believer in any religion. I see the terrible consequences of religious factions in our world.
Tonight, as every night, I will be outside, looking up at the magnificent starry sky in wonder. I believe that man is constantly seeking and finding out answers to our most cosmic questions. Most of the killing we have known of through history is because of religious factions. Jesus, Muhammed, Buddha, Thomas Jefferson, and others have given us guidelines for living a generous life. They were great persons in our history who have tried to provide a manual for living in this world. But we need to see all sides and see what is applicable now in our global society.
So, on Christmas Eve I will not be attending any church service, though I love the music and the traditions. I am through with being a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim. I am a person of the universe, and I deeply regret that I will not live to see what happens in a hundred years.
Don't stress out with the holidays! They are merely a very small blip in the line of life.
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