No Helicopter Parents Here

On Wednesdays, my big day at the local elementary school, I start out with the preschoolers. Today, as usual, their noses are pressed to the window on the school door. They know Ms Molly will be there. I always start out by reading a book to them. They are sitting on a cosy rug and most of them are still sleepy from their naps. "What's in Ms. Molly's bag?" they are thinking. I have a book to begin with, and then always something wonderful and delicious. Sometimes it is a food-watermelon when we read a book about watermelon seeds. Sometimes it is a special toy. Today, I brought a ten count Russian babushka doll. I spoke of grandmas, I am one, and they have their abuelas. What a hit! The kids handled the dolls and extricated them, counted them, and put them together again.

In visiting these kids in the preschool I see a sort (those parents who have signed up their kids for preschool), but there is still another sort.

At the top of the heap there are those parents that we dub "helicopter parents". These parents care so enormously about their kids, and have some confidence that they can make a difference and so they step up to be in the PTA, chaperone on field trips and volunteer in their kids' schools. And, usually, their kids succeed.

At our local elementary school we have a junior garden club that meets every Wednesday for a couple of hours after school. The school garden is fantastic, burgeoning with every kind of vegetable. Some of the kids who are a part of this go to visit the garden on a daily basis and they know every broccoli and sunflower and tomato. They feel comfortable weeding and keeping the caterpillars at bay with the BT. They keep an eye on the irrigation system and they go home with bags of collards and carrots and broccoli and whatever is producing at the moment. They are learning to cook the harvest and they are now comfortable with basic cooking skills.

The Dade City Garden Club has generously donated the funds for a number of these kids to go to camp for a week this upcoming summer.  But what uphill work this is!

The parents of these wonderful kids are not the helicopter parents I once was used to. They never see or respond to letters home. They never express thanks or interest. They seem to be unreachable by phone or email. Their kids would LOVE to attend this fantastic camp, but their parents are so unresponsive. So we strive to have these parents come in to sign their kids up for a camp session. We call endlessly and sometimes when we can get through, the parents promise to be there when we can help them with the online registration. But they rarely show up when promised. (For heavens sake we are extending  a free camping experience for their kids!)

I have learned a lot through this experience of running a school/community garden! These kids lag far behind what I would expect. Their math skills are abysmal and their general knowledge is skimpy. I am trying to figure this out. I know that these parents are hardworking folks. But I think that they were somehow shortchanged in their education and their expectations for themselves and their kids.

Almost the entire school population is on free lunch. The Mexican parents, mostly undocumented, would probably be helicopter parents if they didn't live in the shadow of fear. Of course their kids could not attend even a free camp because certain documents are required.

I wish that this small and wonderful elementary school could break through the fears of the undocumented and the unresponsiveness of the others so that these amazing kids could be thinking that their future might be more than being servers in a fast food place. I wish that this school could have some inspirational people talking to parents and teachers about how to be good parents.