Telling People What you Really Think

You cannot do this! Certainly, you cannot do this on line.

I am known for being really blunt at times. My kids call me on this, and in a few instances I have been pilloried for what I have written in this blog. And, of course, I am deservedly contrite because I never want to knowingly wound even one person. The closest thing to a religious creed for me is the framed stitch work on the bathroom wall: "I want to live by the side of the road and be a friend to man"

Can anyone ever be totally honest? I don't think so. We are always adjusting and rearranging our thoughts so that we can be understood and paid attention to and not tearing it with the folks we love.

Right now, we are having some hard thoughts about our upcoming move from our apartment in St. Pete. My husband and I sometimes vent to each other about the difficulties of doing this. I thought it would be easy.  After all, I am always happy to be living here in this paradise north of Dade City.  But I always wanted that place in St. Pete - even if we were hardly ever there!

Suddenly, we'll have no place there where we can light if we want to. And there are all the issues about getting rid of a whole house full of furniture and memories.

Being honest, sort of, I know that we'll make a plan and do the horsing around of furniture no one wants, get movers, and move on, figure out where we can be in St. Pete.

I do not think that even the most loving families can sit down together and really talk about what bothers them, what feelings have been hurt, what delights them, and what needs to be done.

In my privileged life, my family and friends are not very dysfunctional, and piece by piece, we can talk in honest bits. It is worth trying.

Bottom line is that you actually cannot tell people what you really think. It is a process, takes time and attention and listening and mindfulness. And maybe you'll learn something too.