The Terrible Thing I Did that Still Haunts Me

As we approach the fiftieth anniversary of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, I think that all of us need to think about our past- how we have changed our thinking and behavior or maybe even how we have become aware when before we were so oblivious. This "we" is not just the "we" of the privileged white people.  Now this "we" is all of us.

In 1961 I was a full scholarship student at an Ivy League university. I scrabbled for everything- grades, money for living.

 I remember the day very well. It is seared on my memory fifty years later. An African American friend and I were walking towards my off campus apartment for lunch. We were in the same class and at that time there were not many black students in this university. We had been together in a political science class and we were talking a mile a minute about the ideas. There was that left over snow on the ground that in New England takes a long time to melt.

She said, "I think that..." and I said, "But Americans think that.."  At that moment I realized that I was not thinking that this person, my friend, was really an American! Oh, how I wanted to just dive under one of those left over snowdrifts! I will never forget the shame of it.

She did not miss a beat, maybe it was just life as was usual. I have so regretted this obliviousness of mine. It seemed terrible to have to confront the reality of two races intersecting with ideas, friendship, and old baggage. We never mentioned it again.

Fifty years later, I can say I have struggled with these issues. We celebrate our family that is now colorful and multi-ethnic. As a school director I worked hard to have a diverse student body. As a community volunteer I am only thinking about what people can do and what their back stories are.

But fifty years into the Civil Rights Act of 1964, we must still be vigilant with ourselves. We have come a long way since then. Multiracial is pretty much the norm, but there is still noise out there, discomfort maybe, that our President is a black man.

Hoping that in the next fifty years we'll all be brown and peaceful!