The Tribe

When my mother was growing older, going from the old-elderly to the old-old, we wanted her to leave her house and move to a continued care facility where she would be looked after in the daily details of life. We looked at a number of attractive places (I thought!) She looked carefully and always said, "This is too much like boarding school" and she wouldn't go. At the time I didn't really understand what she was getting at. I think she was reacting to the prospect of living only with people her age, seeing only one small slice of life on a daily basis.

A few months ago we went to a 65th birthday party for a beloved friend. It was a lovely gathering, a wonderful dinner, good conversation. But as we drove home it dawned on me that what was missing at this wonderful party was the harmony of people of different ages. Everyone at this party was the same age! All of us, the Q-tips in a certain stage of life, talking about our retirement plans, the trips we want to do, the community presence we all are, had a certain complaisance about being the age we are.

We, family and friends are a tribe, and a tribe includes people of all ages. I feel really comfortable when the people surrounding me range from small babies to the very elderly. Babies and small kids, especially teenagers, are messy and needy. They get in my space and they require a lot of tending, physical and emotional. This is what makes me alive!

I'm glad when they come, and I'm glad when they leave. Each summer we have several groups of 'not related' kids, as well as our grandsons, come to stay on the ranch. And from time to time, college age kids come for a weekend. I love this tribal feeling of people connecting who love each other. They stay in the main house, or if they're older, in the guest house. We congregate for good meals, we talk our heads off, we spend time making things in the studios and they help in the garden or in the pastures.

It's quantity time, not quality time. The kids just hang out. They help with the cooking, feel free to use anything we have. (Just put it back!) Andy and I are somewhat oblivious so we're not uptight about swimming towels or taking out the garbage. Eventually, everything gets done.

This summer when Katie, Maddy, and Alex came, they did a fantastic job helping me in the garden - weeding, mulching and preparing for the new fall planting. Stephan and Phil can always be counted upon to collect cow pies for the asparagus bed. Diego and Pablo cooked and made many items in the studios. I look forward to seeing Ariel and her brother Michael. The college students are so tired that all they want to do is veg out! Our tribe keeps in touch! I love hearing how they're doing in college. I'll be meeting Julie in Paris this October. (I've known her since birth)

When we celebrate birthdays and holidays we have all ages here! My sisters, Irene and Maria, and my brother Brooks, are sometimes here for festivities, sometimes not. Sometimes our sons, Chris and Ben, and nephew Dan and daughters, Elizabeth and Gina, celebrate holidays with us. But I am not counting. We are a tribe, family and friends of all ages. Whoever is here, we'll have a party!